Nicole Sharp

Writer, Wanderer and Coffee Lover living "la dolce vita"

Tag: funny

A little protest story…

As a writer, I write to make myself feel better. Yes, my fingers have been flying across the keyboard this past week! II love when writing, short stories come out of nowhere and I follow them to their ends. I thought you’d like a little something different today! Continue reading

There is nature in my backyard…

The snake hissed angrily. A large striped, unwanted fiend that was attempting to take up residence. Across from the snake, the dog stood growling, a rabid monster ready to pounce.

I slowly backed from the slithering beast to take hold of the dog. He balked as my fingers dug in, twisting a hand full of the matted fur in case I had to hold him back.

The taunting tongue of the tempter of Eve sickeningly hissed; mockingly. The dog’s chest rumbled with anger.
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Mic drop…

home alone

My body is tingling, I don’t know how much more excitement it can handle at this old age. But I shouldn’t call myself old, cuz isn’t 40 the new 28 ½? I did this thing where you take a picture of yourself and plug it in to an app and then it tells you how old you really look. It said I look like I’m 38.

I’m way off track here.

I had a series of emails between myself and a possible agent. I had replied to her “look forward to hearing from you” too many times and needed something new. I called the English Teacher and the Front Office Manager (aka my parents) to ask for another sign off option.

A strange conversation ensued.
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The dream from the 80s

My first personal word processor

My first word processor, I was so proud of this baby.

So the thing about writing is that I decided years ago that I kinda had something to say. And when you decide that you kinda have something to say, you kinda want others to read what you’ve written. And for other’s to read what you’ve written you kinda wanna get published.

So I started half assed, at the fresh age of 24, after my proverbial ‘coming out of the writings closet’, to try and get published.
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The Towel

hitchhikerI recently re-read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I love that book, and the books that follow in the collection. I love Douglas Adams for his writing and his wit. I love that, as a good friend reminded me, you must read the book with an English Accent.

I was also thinking about one important lesson from that first book. As a poor excuse for a world traveler myself (I haven’t been as many places as some, but I’ve been to more than others); I found one piece of advice from the Hitchhikers guide to be invaluable.

Bring a towel.
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How old is the tooth fairy?

This is an old post, and one of my favorite stories. It is also the most popular of my blog entries. So I thought I would throw it back out there for another spin. Enjoy!

The tooth was loose.

This is my brother’s child’s first loose tooth, my nephew.  He fell at school and knocked it loose.  The idea was to let the tooth fall out by itself but it was just hanging there, and my nephew, 4 ½, couldn’t eat his dinner because the tooth is in the way and is annoying him and the tantrum to get it out begins.
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My procrastination has a first name, it’s O S C A R…

scarletHello procrastination, how are you? What’s it been, a week, two? Oh that’s right, dishes three days ago, we kept away from those in rare form, didn’t we? What was it? Cleaning out the bathroom drawers to keep from doing dishes, that’s right. Kind of a lame move, but hey…what are you going to do. I realize you weren’t feeling well. Weren’t at the top of your game. How is your cold? Good, so glad to hear you’re feeling better.

So what should we do today?

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Spies 101 (for the fiction writer)

As a writer, I’ve found that I know a little bit about a lot of things.  I’ve heard other writers say this before too.  It’s because for so many stories, I end up doing enough research to make the story viable and the situations believable; though the irony is that I write completely unbelievable situations.

So I have just finished writing a book, and it is as good as I can make it without the help of an editor.  Though, to finish said book, I had to call a friend and ask her a few questions about the CIA.  She was my source because at one time she looked into becoming part of that organization herself.  I, myself, do not know any CIA agents, she was the closest source.

When I called my friend, I left a message for her which spurned a few thoughts. Mainly this; everything I know about the CIA (and other spy organizations) I learned from a Brad Pitt Movie.968full-spy-game-screenshot

So, here are the top ten things I’ve learned about being a secret agent from Brad Pitt Movies:

1)      There is always an asset, a commander, an operation, and an overly intelligent, handsome, street smart man at the center of it all.

2)      Every life or death situation has just enough time for a funny comedic quip.

3)      Assets are put into harm’s way, but only in foreign, romantic locales.

4)      In order to be a good agent, you have to have been a boy scout.

5)      The really good agents are mysterious men who have been stand offish to everyone they’ve ever worked with; but love of a damsel in distress makes them an open book.

6)      Agents always drink really cool, trendy alcoholic drinks.

7)      For any mission, “all you need is a stick of gum, a pocket knife and a smile.”

8)      The trunk of a car is a perfectly acceptable place to have a duffel bag full of guns.

9)      It’s always a good idea to hide foreign currency, six passports, a gun, and a hint of your real identity in several different safety deposit boxes all over the globe.

10)   Apparently, only the good guys know how to hit the target they’re shooting at.

Thank you and good night.

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