What’s in a name…

January 20, 2017 /

This will be fun…

With the dawn of a new…whatever the hell this is about to be, one of the things in danger (on a very long list of things in danger) are the arts. So in the name of creativity and art, here is a list of monikers for the Orange Monster in the Golden Tower. You know, in honor of today’s madness. Some names I’ve heard; other’s I went in search of. I tried to give credit where it was due, if I messed up, please excuse; I’m human.

(In no particular order.)

  1. Short-fingered Vulgarian – Graydon Carter chief editor for Vanity Fair.
  2. Orange Anus – Rosie O’Donnell
  3. Golden Wrecking Ball – Sarah Palin (who was reportedly not trying to be funny)

Jon Stewart offered the following:

  1. Fuckface Von Clownstick (a forever favorite!)
  2. Man-baby
  3. Comedy Entrapment
  4. Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole

  1. The White Kanye – Bill Maher
  2. Trump of Doom – Michael R. Burch
  3. Tangerine Tornado – SNL’s Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
  4. Godzilla with less foreign policy experience – Stephen Colbert
  5. Cheeto-dusted Bloviator – Madeleine Davies
  6. Failed mail-order meat salesman. – Gawker’s Ashley Feinberg.
  7. Capricious Authoritarian Monarch – Dan Rather

The following aren’t credited:

  1. Agent Orange
  2. President Evil
  3. Super Callous Fragile Ego Extra Braggadocious
  4. Forrest Trump
  5. Oompa Loompa
  6. Hair Hitler
  7. Short-fingered Totalitarian
  8. The Comb-Over Kid
  9. Orange Julius

Samantha Bee offered:

  1. Melting Hunk of Uninformed Apricot Jell-o
  2. America’s Burst Appendix
  3. Largemouth Ass
  4. Demigogue Bag of Candy Corn
  5. George Wallace in a wig
  6. Heretical Billionaire Bully
  7. Crotch Fondling Slab of Meatloaf
  8. Hometown Embarrassment
  9. Screaming Carrot Demon
  10. The First Grader With a Head injury
  11. The White Power Movements Orange Ally
  12. Two-bit Used Hate Salesman
  13. Fat Elvis
  14. Creamsicle
  15. Tangerine Tinted Trashcan Fire
  16. Orange Manatee

The next few are from #GiveTrumpANickname

  1. Decomposing Jack O Lantern
  2. America’s Back Mole
  3. Lex Loser
  4. Benedict Donald
  5. The White Pride Piper
  6. Human Version of a Migraine
  7. Lord Farquad

From Jezebel

  1. Adult Blobfish
  2. Melting Pig Carcass
  3. Disgraced Racist
  4. Talking Comb-over
  5. Inside-out lower Intestine
  6. Poorly Trained Circus Orangutan
  7. Lie-baby Donald
  8. Genghis Can’t
  9. Prima Donald
  10. The Tanning Bed Warning Label
  11. Mango Mussolini
  12. The face of a butternut squash who wished on a star and became a real boy.
  13. The uncle who hits on your wife at funerals.
  14. The Great Whore of Babble-On

Oh, isn’t this fun?! You know, my favorite description of the monster came from Gloria Steinem in an article she wrote shortly after the election.

“He…sports cotton candy hair and suit jackets that fly open to reveal a gelatinous mass.” Gloria Steinem

But my very favorite nicknames to date, my top two, the ones that crack me up are as follows:

  1. K-Mart Caesar
  2. Dick Waving Berlusconi Knock Off (Ha Ha!) (Thank you again, Samantha Bee for this one!)

Look this whole list is just the tip of the iceberg. I followed this rabbit hole a bit and found that the Orange Beast doesn’t like the newspapers to print unflattering pictures of himself. (If that’s the case, you gelatinous mass of uncouthness, you might think about hiring yourself a stand in.) So in reply, the amazing people of our country got creative with that topic as well. If you’re bored, head here to check it out.

 

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