Nicole Sharp

Writes

The Next Big Thing

I’ve been thinking a lot about the next great historical action adventure movie.  Why have I been thinking a lot about the next great historical action adventure movie?  Because I’ve got it!

One word: Constantine.

A few words: Constantine the Great.

A few more words: Flavius Valerius Aurelius Constantinus (Latin for Constantine the Great.)

Look, I have been convinced for a long time that Constantine’s life would make the greatest action adventure movie. So until it comes out in theaters, here’s the run down.  Imagine this were the movie trailer, it would go like this:

(Super cool deep voice announcer guy would say) In a time of civil war and foreign threat, (this is where the sound of a heartbeat would be inserted and it would become louder and louder as a black screen fills with a battlefield and that battlefield is filled with fog and death.) One man rose to lead a nation,(here the heart beat becomes the roaring of a crowd and rose petals fall on the battlefield that is filled with fog and death and now…hope) One man changed sensibilities (crowd roaring gets even louder) One man who kicks some serious ass. (Cut to black, pause for one dramatic second, then do a montage of the whole damn movie while O Fortuna by Orff plays in the background.  You know, show flashes of dirty men riding horses, fights on battle fields, half naked love scenes, a guy fighting a bear, screaming in senate houses, some more fast horse riding in mud only with urgency this time, defiant looks, swords smashing together, then music fades a bit as montage continues and cue deep voice cool announcer guy again) He wrestled a bear to prove his honor.  He rode nine hundred miles in a single night to escape death. He changed religious tolerance of a nation.  And in a time when some said the Roman Empire was at an end, he continued to rule an empire for a thousand years. (Now screen goes black and we do that thing with heart beat sound in the back ground again and on each beat, on a black screen, flash each of these words in dramatic red:) He. Was. Constantine. (Fade out of black, keep heart beat sounds; show close up of ruggedly handsome hero breathing heavy then running a hand through his perfectly coiffed yet mussed hair.)

[Side Note:  Think Gerard Butler for now cuz he’s the ‘in’ guy right now, though I don’t know if he is worthy of playing Constantine.  It is said of Constantine that “In appearance he was tall, dignified, and pleasing; he excelled in all military exercises, was modest, prudent, and well informed.” I’m sure the movie people will come up with someone right for the part.]

A whole movie theater would ‘ohhhh’ itself and pull out their smart phones and look up movie details, twitter their friends, farcebook their peeps…all proclaiming “it’s like Braveheart meets 300 meets Downton Abbey…oh Constantine you glorious bastard you. (And he kind of was, you know.)

Now, I know what you are asking yourself; are any of the facts afore mentioned in my conceived trailer historically correct?

Well, we will have to wait for Hollywood to make the movie to see if it is.

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Liem Neeson is my ‘go to guy’ for parts like this and should also play Jack Reacher in the new Lee Child movie, but alas some moron cast Tom Cruise and his baby face in the role, a serious misjustice.

  2. I’m with your Mom on Liam Neeson. Now there’s a man who can pull off a laurel wreath and a toga!

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